The Artist Formerly Known As Super Happy Fun Brad

When I was 13 or so, my friends and I used to go “Garage Shopping”. That’s when you find a garage door that’s open and look for beer and steal it.

One day when we couldn’t find any I came up with an idea I ACTUALLY thought may work.

I made up a scavenger hunt with everything on the list crossed off except, a penny, string, a 6 pack of beer, and a bottle of miscellaneous hard alcohol.

It did NOT work.

1. The new Say Anything record after 1 listen is not as good as I had hoped. I’m hoping that after a few more listens it gets better.

2. If you’re following me and I haven’t followed you back please yell at me to do so.

3. I never really liked Kiss, Led Zeppelin, or The Rolling Stones.

That is all for now.

Absolutely True Statistics

1.    74% of the world is drinking a beverage of some sort right now.

2.    59% of people between the ages of 30-48 own “We are the World” on some form of media.

3.    79% of Americans ain’t speak good.

4.    Every 7 minutes a monkey cries real tears.

5.    Monkeys spend 76% of their life humping things.

6.    When asked, 82% of bears said they would eat people.

7.    95% of the world needs air. The other 5% are 99% dead.

8.    84% of overweight people don’t sponsor a starving child in Africa.

9.    In 10 years 93% of the music you like now you won’t listen to more than once every 5 years.

10.  73% of the music made in the 70’s sucked. 2^nd place is the 90’s with 70%.

11. An ostrich is a good pet for 12% of people who don’t mind pets that are completely stupid.

12. People who play video games 82% of the week have a .0456% chance of having friends that aren’t “online” when they interact.

13. 83% of kids between the ages 9-13 are lying about having a girlfriend/boyfriend.

14. 34% of the ground consists of dead people.

15. 94% of people that eat pizza enjoy it.

16. Every 46 minutes someone tries to replace their child’s dead pet for one that looks similar to it so they don’t have to explain death.

17. For every 7 people that like your band 59,000,000 have never heard of you.

18. People on T.V. are 84% less attractive in person.

19. 97% of people on television aren’t very interesting; people are just so bored they learn to care.

20. 92% of racists watch interracial porn.

1. I’m pretty excited that Baseball is starting (spring training is in full swing <—-get it?!) Do people outside the US care about Baseball? Do they understand Baseball? Do they play Baseball as a kid? What do they play as a kid if not Baseball?

2. Black is a word that comes from many other German/European/Mediterranean words that variably mean, “To Burn”.

3. This is the warmest winter I can remember. I’m excited that it’s around “freezing” temperature and not well below it.

4. I wonder how many adults went to the bathroom in their pants today.

5. We have statistics for everything. Why don’t we have one that says, “Every 94 seconds an adult goes to the bathroom in their pants and people laugh at them.

6. No I did not go to the bathroom in my pants. Well, I did—but then I pulled them down and used a toilet.

7. I actually didn’t pull down my pants in the bathroom; I remember as a kid dropping your pants to use a toilet for pee.

8. I think I’ll blog statistics that are completely untrue and see how many people think they are true. They’re likely as accurate as printed statistics, only printed statistics have an actual effort to guess where I will be not even trying to estimate things accurately.

9. I have never liked shoes. I hate buying them, I hate thinking about tying them. That did rhyme.

10. Shoes make me think about my theory that if your boyfriend owns more than 3 pairs of shoes, he’s gay (one everyday pair, one pair for running, one pair for suits).

11. #12 is kinda funny.

12. I just made #11 and #12 so the last thing I said wasn’t that your boyfriend is gay.

Sorry I haven’t been on much. I’m dealing with a lot of mixed feelings and such as a result of my post below.

I’m starting to feel better. I know who my friends are. I’m happy with who I am.

That being said, I decided to supplement my music writing (Yes, lots of stuff we be coming out all at once once I get the first one done).

I am now writing children’s books.

When I was younger Shel Silverstein came to my school and read us The Giving Tree and then autographed a copy for each student.

I’ve been thinking about that book lately, and Shel as a writer, and decided that with the batty stuff that comes to my brain I must be able to entertain non-jaded children.

So that’s what I’m doing now. I’ll try VERY hard to keep writing on here, and don’t be shy writing me on facebook. www.facebook.com/choppersickballs

I’ll leave you with a great Silverstein story.

The Perfect High

There once was a boy named Gimme-Some-Roy… He was nothin’ like me or you,
‘cause laying back and getting high was all he cared to do.

As a kid, he sat in the cellar…sniffing airplane glue. And then he smoked banana peels, when that was the thing to do. He tried aspirin in Coca-Cola, he breathed helium on the sly, and his life became an endless search to find the perfect high.

But grass just made him wanna lay back and eat chocolate-chip pizza all night,
and the great things he wrote when he was stoned looked like shit in the morning light.
Speed made him wanna rap all day, reds laid him too far back, Cocaine-Rose was sweet to his nose, but the price nearly broke his back.

He tried PCP, he tried THC, but they never quite did the trick. Poppers nearly blew his heart, mushrooms made him sick. Acid made him see the light, but he couldn’t remember it long. Hash was a little too weak, and smack was a lot too strong. Quaaludes made him stumble, booze just made him cry, Then he heard of a cat named Baba Fats who knew of the perfect high.

Now, Baba Fats was a hermit cat…lived high up in Nepal, High on a craggy mountain top, up a sheer and icy wall. “Well, hell!” says Roy, “I’m a healthy boy, and I’ll crawl or climb or fly,
Till I find that guru who’ll give me the clue as to what’s the perfect high.”

So out and off goes Gimme-Some-Roy, to the land that knows no time, Up a trail no man could conquer, to a cliff no man could climb. For fourteen years he climbed that cliff…back down again he’d slide …
He’d sit and cry, then climb some more, pursuing the perfect high.

Grinding his teeth, coughing blood, aching and shaking and weak, Starving and sore, bleeding and tore, he reaches the mountain peak. And his eyes blink red like a snow-blind wolf, and he snarls the snarl of a rat,
As there in repose, and wearing no clothes, sits the god-like Baba Fats.

“What’s happenin’, Fats?” says Roy with joy, “I’ve come to state my biz …
I hear you’re hip to the perfect trip… Please tell me what it is. “For you can see,” says Roy to he, “I’m about to die, So for my last ride, tell me, how can I achieve the perfect high?”

“Well, dog my cats!” says Baba Fats. “Another burned out soul, Who’s lookin’ for an alchemist to turn his trip to gold. It isn’t in a dealer’s stash, or on a druggist’s shelf… Son, if you would find the perfect high, find it in yourself.”

“Why, you jive mother-fucker!” says Roy, “I climbed through rain and sleet,
I froze three fingers off my hands, and four toes off my feet! I braved the lair of the polar bear, I’ve tasted the maggot’s kiss. Now, you tell me the high is in myself? What kinda shit is this?

My ears, before they froze off,” says Roy, “had heard all kindsa crap; But I didn’t climb for fourteen years to hear your sophomore rap. And I didn’t climb up here to hear that the high is on the natch, So you tell me where the real stuff is, or I’ll kill your guru ass!”

“Okay…okay,” says Baba Fats, “You’re forcin’ it outta me… There is a land beyond the sun that’s known as Zabolee. A wretched land of stone and sand, where snakes and buzzards scream, And in this devil’s garden blooms the mystic Tzutzu tree.

Now, once every ten years it blooms one flower, as white as the Key West sky,
And he who eats of the Tzutzu flower shall know the perfect high. For the rush comes on like a tidal wave…hits like the blazin’ sun. And the high? It lasts forever, and the down don’t never come.

But, Zabolee Land is ruled by a giant, who stands twelve cubits high, And with eyes of red in his hundred heads, he awaits the passer-by. And you must slay the red-eyed giant, and swim the river of slime, Where the mucous beasts await to feast on those who journey by. And if you slay the giant and beasts, and swim the slimy sea, There’s a blood-drinking witch who sharpens her teeth as she guards the Tzutzu tree.”

“Well, to hell with your witches and giants,” says Roy, “To hell with the beasts of the sea—
Why, as long as the Tzutzu flower still blooms, hope still blooms for me.”
And with tears of joy in his sun-blind eyes, he slips the guru a five, And crawls back down the mountainside, pursuing the perfect high.

“Well, that is that,” says Baba Fats, sitting back down on his stone, Facing another thousand years of talking to God, alone. “Yes, Lord, it’s always the same…old men or bright-eyed youth… It’s always easier to sell ‘em some shit than it is to tell them the truth.”

Shel Silverstein

Thanks guys, I figured it out with your help!

I still have to figure out how to respond to responses now ha

I’m not sure how to do it. I’ll have to look into it!

I’m sure nobody will announce it so I will.

I’m no longer playing with SHFC.

I won’t really answer questions due to maintaining some level of maturity (which has NOT been given to me). I will say this:

1. NO, it was not mutual.

2. NO, it was not “peaceful”

3. YES, I’ll likely be releasing a record and have a new band I may be joining (shhhh)

4. NO, I will obviously have no part in the new record (minus the 2 songs already recorded).

5. NO, I do not plan to bash OR support them. I’m concentrating on me and they can focus on them.

To anyone who is saddened by these events, sorry I really tried to make it peaceful.

To anyone who doesn’t care, I hate you :-)